Reclaim the Fairy Tale

A female empowerment tome - especially for the single ladies

Sep 23, 2022

As you probably guessed from the title of this newsletter - today’s topic is not about tech. Even though there’s been plenty of news to write about. Rather, it’s something I’ve wanted to write for a while about some of my experiences a single woman in her early 40s. If this is not your jam I am not offended at all if you just jump down to the “What I’m Reading” section as there are a ton of great articles and papers out this week.

Recently, I’ve found myself having a similar conversation with my single girlfriends about a variety of topics. We usually talk about either how exhausted we are trying to do everything alone and/or in the same breath how happy we are with our independence. We talk about how we don’t feel like we exactly fit with what society wants, but that’s what we love about our lives too. Usually, at some point in the conversation, I say, “Someone should write more about this so we can all help one another figure this out.”

Finally, I figured that someone might as well be me. Plus, I had embarked on a recent project that made me feel so good, that I had to share it.

To start this story we need to go back to what life for girls was like in the 1980s and 1990s and how Disney really screwed some of us.

Now, I LOVE Disney. But, that happily ever after shit they put in movie after movie from Cinderella to the Little Mermaid made a real impression on me. I remember in high school writing a letter to myself about what my future would look like. I had myself going to college, working for a few years, and then getting married at 28. Then it stopped. That was it. Because that’s where all the stories I grew up with stopped.

Thank god that’s not what happened, but I sure wish I had more women to look up to understand the various paths open to me. Maybe it would have saved me some stress.

In my 20s I dated a little but would get frustrated when things wouldn’t go the way I thought they were supposed to go. On my 29th birthday, I made a decision that going into my 30s I was going to stop stressing about it. If I found a guy great, but it wasn’t going to be my focus - I was going to focus on having a kick-ass life.

And I did that. I had an amazing job at Facebook for ten years. I traveled the world. I never got the baby fever that a lot of other women get. I came up with a plan for what I’d do in retirement so that I wouldn’t get scared about being alone (basically it involves me and a bunch of friends building a Golden Girls-like compound together). I read a fantastic book on being a single woman called, “What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding.” The guy didn’t come along, and that at times made me sad, but I was so busy I didn’t have a ton of time to dwell on it.

Where I did find myself getting jealous was around all of the rituals we have for celebrating women - but only if they are getting married and having babies. Bachelorette parties, bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, etc. Why don’t we have anything when someone gets a big promotion, buys a house on her own, finishes a big project, or gets a fantastic job? There’s nothing to celebrate the achievements of when women do stuff outside of relationships and family.

So, when I turned 40 I decided to start changing that - at least for myself. I normally hate celebrating my birthday, but figured that since I might never have a wedding I was going to spend a crazy amount of money on a killer vacation in Turks and Caicos with my friends. That ended up getting postponed a year due to COVID so I ended up getting two birthday celebrations. One in Dollywood and one in Turks. Both were fantastic.

Recently, I did something else that I’ve wanted to do for years. I did a photoshoot. In fact, I’m doing two of them. The first, I did in late August and the other will be at the beginning of October.

Part of the photoshoot - that I’m showing you - are professional pictures. But these are not just your normal headshot pictures. These are portraits. I wanted pictures that made me look like a badass.

The ones I’m not showing you (though if you really want to see them shoot me a note) are a boudoir shoot. I wanted something to hang in the primary bathroom that makes me feel beautiful and empowered every time I look at it. I wanted something that every morning sent me out into the world feeling good about myself and my body. I wanted a shoot just for me.

Photographer Kate Andreya did just that. You can see a few of the professional ones below and the boudoir ones she did have made me look more beautiful than I ever could imagine. Lindsey Evans found me the fantastic white jacket and Carola Myers did my makeup. In October, I’m doing a more in-depth shoot with another photographer Shelby Leigh. I’m really glad I split these up as I’m going into the second one even more confident and coming up with outfits has been so much fun.

In about seven weeks I’ll turn 42. I’m running my own independent consulting company, I’m growing as a thought leader in the technology and democracy space and I’ve never felt so good. I definitely still worry that I’m a bit like CJ Cregg in the West Wing when she tells Danny that maybe she missed the window to be in a relationship, but I can also see why you’re starting to see more stories about how single women are happier than you think they are.

This is why I think it’s time we reclaim the fairy tale. We need to celebrate all the different sorts of lives that women lead. Stop waiting to celebrate you until you hit some milestone, lose weight or get that promotion. Find ways big and small to do it every day. Maybe go get some kick-ass photos taken. Buy yourself that piece of jewelry or throw yourself a party. Don’t wait for anyone to do it for you.

What I’m Reading/Listening/Watching

Big Technology Podcast: The Rise And Fall Of Facebook's Big Transparency Acquisition — With Brandon Silverman
The Atlantic Festival: The Impacts of Misinformation on the Future of America’s Democracy
Colombia Journalism Review: Gaming the algorithm
Washington Post: Jan. 6 Twitter witness: Failure to curb Trump spurred 'terrifying' choice
Bloomberg: Child Predators Use Twitch to Systematically Track Kids Livestreaming
Lawfare: What It Really Means to “Hold Big Tech Accountable”
Atlanta Journal-Constitution: Opinion: Georgia election officials making sure your vote counts
Washington Post: Pentagon opens sweeping review of clandestine psychological operations
Washington Post: Supreme Court fight over Texas, Florida social media laws looks likely
New York Times: This Ad’s for You (Not Your Neighbor)
Semafor: Nick Clegg Interview (Tweet Thread)
Vice: Shutterstock is Removing AI-Generated Images
Washington Post: Trump’s ‘big lie’ fueled a new generation of social media influencers
Vox: Latino voters are being flooded with even more misinformation in 2022
Semafor: Facebook could lift Trump’s suspension in January, Nick Clegg says
Axios: Exclusive: Gmail launches pilot to keep campaign emails out of spam
Euractiv: Italy backs ban on data tracking in political ads, France hesitates
Intercept: Facebook Report Concludes Company Censorship Violated Palestinian Human Rights
Washington Post: Inside the civil rights campaign to get Big Tech to fight the 'big lie'
Washington Post: Florida brings battle over social media regulation to the Supreme Court
The Conversation: US politicians tweet far more misinformation than those in the UK and Germany – new research
Forbes: How TikTok Has Bent Its Rules For Its Top Creators
Tech Policy Press: Contending for Democracy on Social Media and Beyond
Everything in Moderation: Bri Riggio on writing content policies and helping her team learn and grow

Think Tanks/Academics/Other

All Tech is Human: Responsible Tech Guide
Aaron Berman: Writing Tips from the PDB: Conveying Uncertainty
NYU - Paul Barrett: Spreading The Big Lie: How Social Media Sites Have Amplified False Claims of U.S. Election Fraud
Stanford Center for Internet and Society: State Abuse of Transparency Laws and How to Stop It
Mozilla Foundation: YouTube User Control Study
Oxford University Press: Social media sharing of low quality news sources by political elites
IWMF: A Guide to Protecting Newsrooms and Journalists Against Online Violence
Behavioural Insights Team: How can citizens shape the future of social media platforms?
Atlantic Council Event: China’s digital strategy at home and abroad
BSR: Human Rights Due Diligence of Meta’s Impacts in Israel and Palestine
Christchurch Call: Christchurch Call Initiative on Algorithmic Outcomes
Journal of Online Trust and Safety: How Can Platform Engagement with Academics and Civil Society Representatives Inform the Development of Content Policies?

Companies

Job Openings

International Republican Institute - Program Associate - Technology & Democracy
Integrity Institute: Community Organizer, Partnerships and Operations Coordinator and Research Project Manager
Wellspring Philanthropic Fund: Program Director, Civil Society
Oversight Board: Senior Officer, Strategy & Development
- Meta Oversight Board: Variety of positions open. More info at link.
Meta: Meta Research PhD Fellowship Program
Freedom House: Policy and Advocacy Officer or Senior Policy and Advocacy Officer, Technology and Democracy
- There are **many** open positions at Freedom House. Check them out here: https://freedomhouse.org/about-us/careers
National Endowment for Democracy: Reagan-Fascell Democracy Fellows Program
Democracy Works: Openings for software engineer and director of HR
Atlantic Council DFR Lab: Variety of positions open. More info at link.
National Democratic Institute (NDI): Variety of positions open. More info at link.
Protect Democracy: Technology Policy Advocate

Calendar

Topics to keep an eye on that have a general timeframe of the first half of the year:
- Facebook 2020 election research
- Oversight Board opinion on cross-check
- Senate & House hearings, markups, and potential votes

September 13 - 27: UN General Assembly
- Sept 20 - High-level general debate begins
September 14 - Senate Hearing on Social Media’s Impact on Homeland Security
September 15 - International Day of Democracy
September 21-23: Atlantic Festival
September 25: Italy
September 27 - 28: Trust Con
September 28 - 30: Athens Democracy Forum
September 29 - 30: Trust and Safety Research Conference
October 2 and 30: Brazil
October 15 - 22: SXSW Sydney
October 17: Twitter/Musk Trial Begins
November 8: United States Midterms
January 7: Meta/Trump Decision
March 10 - 19: SXSW
March 20 - 24, 2023: Mozilla Fest

Anchor Change with Katie Harbath

Discussion about this post